Ok, so here’s the scenario:

It freezing outside and I’m meeting J after work in a local pub. So I’m sitting at a table on my own and some random bloke comes up to me straining under the weight of an evidently heavy backpack. In standard London mode I avoid his presence.

“Got a cigaratte?” he asks in an Aussie accent.

My standard response to this frequent request as you walk around London is ignore and keep walking. Smoking is expensive on many levels but I thought to myself… “yeah, why not… help a fellow Aussie out as he treks around with his backpack”.

So I’ve fished out my second last smoke and handed it to him (knowing I’d need to get a new pack shortly). Then he stands there with an expectant look on his face. Oh right… he needs a light. So I spark it for him.

The second it’s lit he turns and walks away.

TWAT MOTHERFUCKER WHAT????

I’ve gone after him and, rare for me, confronted him: “No ‘Cheers’ or ‘Thanks’ MATE??” to which I received a sardonic “sorry”.
I’ve since had a ‘mental replay moment’ where I envisage grabbing the cig back and shoving it in his eye (luckily J returned from the ladies in time to calm me down so we could go watch !!!).

Lessons?

1. Cunts are everywhere and I certainly shouldn’t have rose tinted glasses on when dealing with Aussies abroad.
2. Never give cigarettes to ‘randoms’… if they’re asking, chances are they’re assholes.
3. Quit smoking.

Now, English people I’ve spoken to have said things like “well Australians don’t grow up understanding etiquette or being polite”.
That upsets me more.
Nice one, random Aussie backpacking fuckwit.

…and breathe.

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