Category: NSFW


SFW Porn

http://timdir.com/tgp/games/pages/sfw_porn.html

Recently made the Cup Size Choir for La Senza via the agency Karmarama, which was quite a hit over the Christmas period… 1,000,000 uniques over the first 4 days. The site got hammered by Gizmodo on the first night, apparently was serving 200mb/sec at one stage.

So forget the boring Deck the Halls song, here’s a link to the Nothing Else Matters intro that I made: www.cupsizechoir.com/?s=27775

Unlike most tunes that are recorded live on the site, having access to the database I entered this tune in via code. Took about 2 hrs to format the data correctly for the tune – it doesn’t mimic the guitar work perfectly though.

Flagged as NSFW, but I really think it is SFW.

For code people, here’s the ‘tablature’ for the tune:

var barlength:int = 24;
var bar : int = 0 * barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 0;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 2;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = 2;

bar += barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 0;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 2;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = 2;

bar += barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 0;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 2;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = 2;

bar += barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 0;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 2;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = ‘2,11’;

bar += barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = ‘0,11’;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 2;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = ‘7,11’;
deckthehalls[bar + 14] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 4;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = 2;

bar += barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 0;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 2;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = ‘4,11’;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = ‘7,12’;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = ‘4,11’;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = ‘2,10’;

bar += barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = ‘0,11’;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = ‘2,10’;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = ‘4,9’;

// half bar up to A
bar += 12;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 3;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 5;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 10;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = 5;

bar += barlength;

deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 3;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 5;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 10;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = ‘3,5,7’;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = ‘4,5,7’;

// up to c
bar += barlength;
deckthehalls[bar + 0] = ‘5,7’;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 7;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 9;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 12;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 9;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = 7;

bar += barlength;

deckthehalls[bar + 0] = 6;
deckthehalls[bar + 4] = 8;
deckthehalls[bar + 8] = 10;
deckthehalls[bar + 12] = 13;
deckthehalls[bar + 16] = 10;
deckthehalls[bar + 20] = 8;

deckthehalls[bar + 23] = 100; // end loop

deargk3.jpg

WARNING: Do NOT calculate Pi in binary. It is conjectured that this number is normal, meaning that it contains ALL finite bit strings.

Terminate sex

terminator.jpg

Well…

Wouldn’t we all?

http://weeklyvice.blogspot.com/2008/04/robber-breaks-into-porn-shop-walks-out.html

Wimbledon may be washed out, but here’s how you keep interest up: Google’s not gonna pay for this bandwidth

serendipity now

Ok, so here’s the scenario:

It freezing outside and I’m meeting J after work in a local pub. So I’m sitting at a table on my own and some random bloke comes up to me straining under the weight of an evidently heavy backpack. In standard London mode I avoid his presence.

“Got a cigaratte?” he asks in an Aussie accent.

My standard response to this frequent request as you walk around London is ignore and keep walking. Smoking is expensive on many levels but I thought to myself… “yeah, why not… help a fellow Aussie out as he treks around with his backpack”.

So I’ve fished out my second last smoke and handed it to him (knowing I’d need to get a new pack shortly). Then he stands there with an expectant look on his face. Oh right… he needs a light. So I spark it for him.

The second it’s lit he turns and walks away.

TWAT MOTHERFUCKER WHAT????

I’ve gone after him and, rare for me, confronted him: “No ‘Cheers’ or ‘Thanks’ MATE??” to which I received a sardonic “sorry”.
I’ve since had a ‘mental replay moment’ where I envisage grabbing the cig back and shoving it in his eye (luckily J returned from the ladies in time to calm me down so we could go watch !!!).

Lessons?

1. Cunts are everywhere and I certainly shouldn’t have rose tinted glasses on when dealing with Aussies abroad.
2. Never give cigarettes to ‘randoms’… if they’re asking, chances are they’re assholes.
3. Quit smoking.

Now, English people I’ve spoken to have said things like “well Australians don’t grow up understanding etiquette or being polite”.
That upsets me more.
Nice one, random Aussie backpacking fuckwit.

…and breathe.

Subtle artforms in porn

I think the designer of the text-art was thinking something along the lines of; “We now draw you’re attention to her deriere”

http://img215.exs.cx/img215/1613/kristywall4om.jpg

http://www.deconstructedbeauty.com/sim/index.html

Oral contraception, or maybe they’re in an a sawmill…

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, “Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?”

“No bother,” he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy’s two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

“Hello dere girls, your Da’ sent me up here to shag ya both.”

“Fook off you liar!”.

“I’ll prove it,” Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, “Both of them, Paddy?”

“Of course, what’s the use of fookin’ one?”

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Inala Big W with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Big W – nice children you’ve got there — are they twins?”

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: “Of course they bloody aren’t! The oldest, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins?….. Do you really think they look alike, ya dickead?”

“Absolutely not,” replies the greeter, “I just can’t believe anyone would fuck you twice!”

A new category.

In anticipation of Tubs posting something.