Category: Rant


When you’re browsing the menu at random establishment, the duck comes with an orange plum sauce, the fish with a lemon butter drizzle, the lamb shank with a tomato jus… and the poor steak has the optional extra sauce for £1.50. Since when does a steak not warrant this sauce by default? Often the steak is the most expensive item on the menu, so can the sauce not be included with this hefty price?

How has this come about… perhaps there was a period when non sauce eaters (wimps or fungiphobics) asked for the steak without any sauce, and then requested a discount for the minimised consumption. This is ridiculous, but if true, burn in hell anti saucites.

That there sauce is sitting in a huge pot in the back of the kitchen, or waiting in tupperware for a quick microwave nuke for your saucy loving. The cost of production of this sauce, well, can’t be much… perhaps you could make a good profit from selling sauce alone if you can move 20 ml for £1.50.

But the irony remains in the alternate sauces… so you’ve gotta pay for this gourmet concoction, but not the prepackaged goodies on the table… when you sit down for a BLT and chips, it’s likely you’ll open 1 mayo, 1 horseradish and 2 tomato sauce packets to get through with full unhealthy points. All for nothing. Where’s the top limit?

Next time you opt for the extra sauce on your steak – as if you wouldn’t – make sure you grab yourself a good handful of all them extra packaged sauces so you fee like you’ve got your money’s worth. Squeeze a napkin full of half a bottle of ketchup if it’s there. Fill your empty pint glass with vinegar.

The only issue should be making the really hard decision, when you’re at a good old (Aussie) pub anyway; do I have the pepper or mushroom sauce, or is this an establishment that will let me have both. Heaven!

WARNING: Do NOT calculate Pi in binary. It is conjectured that this number is normal, meaning that it contains ALL finite bit strings.

For those of us who work in the digital media industry, or similar industries that result in client feedback that shits you to tears:

www.zefrank.com/punc/

Working a real job is a win if you’re lazy, greedy, or unmotivated. If you’re average, you fit right in. And if you’re above average, the basic terms of employement and premise of the arrangement is against your interests.

http://use.perl.org/~scrottie/journal/34141

Make me a website for free

What is it that is making the human race so fucked up? I mean, I kinda get the impression that a good deal of people that I meet and have met (present company excluded, of course) really enjoy trying to push buttons and piss one another off. In fact, in order to have a healthy social life, it almost seems imperative that you be the sort of person who enjoys paying out, and being payed out in return (and don’t get me wrong, it’s good for a laugh either way – at times) but I can’t help feel that this is a pretty fucked up way for us to interact! I know what yer thinking (or, I think I do) – that it’s all in good fun, and no one gets hurt, and deeply underlying it is really a sense of respect, and it teaches you to laugh at yourself. And those points are really hard to counter, I mean… interacting in this way does well to keep egos in check and stuff.

But, we don’t all think the same, and it kinda seems to me that if you aren’t the sort of person that can flow with that kind of thing quickly, then you’re going to sink in that sort of tide, occasionally at least. It comes down to insecurities, there’s no doubt, and the fact is that there are insecure people everywhere – myself being one of them. If you try and respect people’s insecurities, you end up reminding them of the fact that the insecurities are there, and most people don’t like that. It’s that “nice guys are dull” attitude. If, on the other hand, you help them to ignore their problems, by having a laugh at pointless shit (and reminding them that this isn’t the place to discuss such depressing stuff) it’s great on a social level, but is it (ultimately) going to help anyone? If, like me, you’ve got the sort of deep insecurities that requires something like a shift in global consciousness, then it seems to me like your rooted, and no one is going to help you because they’ve all got their shit to deal with, and no one has been prepared to lend them a hand, so you just end up feeling an outsider most of the time.

Having two sexes doesn’t help the cause much either. I’ve been a Jungian supporter for years, but most people seem to be Freudian in their take on things. Jung felt that there is so much more to human beings and our interactions than just sex. Freud figured our psychology was all based around sex – and so the two stopped being friends after about 20 years (think about it, 20 years is a hell of a long time, big debate that one). The way I see it, the problem with the Freudian take on things is that it’s all about being impressive to the opposite sex – ah, correction – looking impressive to the opposite sex. This is great for the sort of attitude you want to generate in a right-wing capitalist society, i.e. make it easy for yourself to look impressive for that special someone, so long as you’re prepared to sell yourself out. But I still think Jung was right, and as evidence in support of his difference with Freud, I point to the way that right-wing capitalism seems to operate.

People want to impress their partner (or prospective partner). Given that capitalism works on a ‘look after yourself’ attitude, it doesn’t really matter if you want your partner for your own selfish reasons – in fact this is better off in the long term as you’re going to have the kind of insecurities that may well need medical attention down the track (private cover, of course). Advertising plays on this like crazy and tells people that the way to impress their partner is to own widgets, and is supported by sit-coms and soap operas that give people subtle hints as to how they should react in certain situations. In order to purchase said widgets, you have to have money. In order to get money, you have to do something for someone else – generally speaking. Theoretically (I love that word), your boss is well aware of that, and is more than happy to get you to waste your life (and probably a whole heap of resources as well) doing something you otherwise really aren’t interested in doing.

So why does this work? Was Freud right, and it really does all come down to sex? If that’s the case, then it seems to me that we’re pretty much screwed up as a society. But what if (and this is the global consciousness raising stuff that acts like my own personal viagra – which I’m sure ya’ll are happy to know) we take out the insecurities? What if people started to face their problems honestly and openly rather than hiding behind a bit of a jab here and a few laughs there? Would we be prepared to put up with being exploited all in the name of widgets? I somehow doubt it. What would it do for our sexual relations? I would like to think that it would help us all to mature a bit in that regard – and stop us from doing something that seems just a bit false simply so that we can impress others, and we all might have to actually start being a bit more considerate of and compassionate toward those we profess to love in order to get that love in return! At the same time, this should stop us being impressed by simple little traps that may not necessarily lead to a happy hereafter, as we would surely become less in need of instant gratification to ease the wounds that our insecurities brought about. And (who knows!) I might then finally be able to find a woman that I’m actually happy with (Goddam it Freud!)

Peace Ya’ll!

(P.S. 10 points to anyone that can spot the major irony here, and 5 for picking the minor one)

graf

*********************************
Ever heard of Jury Nullification?
*********************************

Your Rights As A Juror
======================

As any one of us may be called to be on a jury at a criminal trial, it is important to know this fundamental right:

The jury has the right and duty to judge THE LAW as well as the facts of the case.

In other words, even if the facts show that the defendant is guilty of the charges, if the jury believes the so-called crime is not a crime in reality (e.g. most traffic, drug, tax statutes), then the jury can simply find the defendant NOT GUILTY.

This is judging the law and the jury has that right. It is our last protection against tyrannical government.

Why is this being spread on the internet? Because the judge WILL NOT tell you about this right, and the defense attorney will be reprimanded if he tries to tell the jury.

MESSAGE OR REPOST THIS TO 5 FRIENDS IN 15 MINUTES

OR
YOU WILL
FIND YOURSELF
IN FRONT OF
A JURY AND
WISH THEY
KNEW

ABOUT JURY NULLIFICATION!

No wonder they pick suits, ties and little old lady’s when they pick a jury. Still, the above is a valid thing and worth keeping in mind, me thinks.

Earth Hour

An experiment in energy will be taking place next Sarturday the 31st of March that I think you should consider becoming a part of, because if it’s going to yeild interesting results, it will need the co-operation of as many people as it can get –
http://earthhour.smh.com.au/

serendipity now

Ok, so here’s the scenario:

It freezing outside and I’m meeting J after work in a local pub. So I’m sitting at a table on my own and some random bloke comes up to me straining under the weight of an evidently heavy backpack. In standard London mode I avoid his presence.

“Got a cigaratte?” he asks in an Aussie accent.

My standard response to this frequent request as you walk around London is ignore and keep walking. Smoking is expensive on many levels but I thought to myself… “yeah, why not… help a fellow Aussie out as he treks around with his backpack”.

So I’ve fished out my second last smoke and handed it to him (knowing I’d need to get a new pack shortly). Then he stands there with an expectant look on his face. Oh right… he needs a light. So I spark it for him.

The second it’s lit he turns and walks away.

TWAT MOTHERFUCKER WHAT????

I’ve gone after him and, rare for me, confronted him: “No ‘Cheers’ or ‘Thanks’ MATE??” to which I received a sardonic “sorry”.
I’ve since had a ‘mental replay moment’ where I envisage grabbing the cig back and shoving it in his eye (luckily J returned from the ladies in time to calm me down so we could go watch !!!).

Lessons?

1. Cunts are everywhere and I certainly shouldn’t have rose tinted glasses on when dealing with Aussies abroad.
2. Never give cigarettes to ‘randoms’… if they’re asking, chances are they’re assholes.
3. Quit smoking.

Now, English people I’ve spoken to have said things like “well Australians don’t grow up understanding etiquette or being polite”.
That upsets me more.
Nice one, random Aussie backpacking fuckwit.

…and breathe.

MX Magazine

There’s a new freebee mag in Brizzie called MX (God only knows why it has this name, but I suspect it’s to attract those that dug BMX’s as a kid and/or those that engorge over MX5’s now). I found a copy on the train the other evening, and actually found some of the articles fairly interesting. Apparently, German scientists have discovered that Birds have a sensory apparatus on their beaks that tell them where in the world they are because of the earth’s natural magnetic field – well I never.
Anyhow, while perusing this publication (I had left in a rush and left my book at home, something that I have since vowed to never do again) it came to my attention that there was a letters section that had been filled this week by one Mr. Terry Balson from Grange.
Now, I’ve kind of been wrangling with whether to give people a fair go or not of late, and have been leaning toward the warm and fuzzy notion that people aren’t so bad, and we’re all fairly trust worthy once it gets down to it, ’cause after all, life’s just a bit o’ fun and all can be cleared up with a nudge an’ a wink, ’cause we’re all just in it togeva.
Anyone who is aspousing this notion should grab a copy of this weeks MX magazine, and turn to page 12.
I sincerely think this guy was influenced by oil companies somehow; I dunno if they held a gun to his head, payed him off, or threatened to wipe out his Neighbours collection from the mid-eighties or what, but this guy sang like a nighting-gale with a rose-red bump on its head, and still made letter of the week.
It’s a good job I intercepted this bit of filthy media, and let me tell you it’s as filthy as it gets. It made me kinda wonder if the guy who wrote it actually exists, or if they just put something together to actively lower the intelligence of anyone who migh unwittingly get a copy (check it out, it’s really something).
It all kinda made sense, though, when I looked up MX magazine on the web this evening when I got home. It’s run by news limited for a start (i.e. the fox corporation), and (oddly enough) despite being a free magazine, you can’t actually get a free copy off the web. They’re pretty big on the advertising thing though, just check out the list of contacts, and I love the almost subliminal ‘PICK ME UP’ in the header. All this helped explained the new ads for a type of canned drink called MX advertised at central station too (you think it’s a new type of funky drink that will make you more attractive, until you realise it’s just a magazine. Two weeks later you forget about your embarasing run in with stupid ads, but remember that the name made you feel something real.) Check it out – http://www.mxnet.com.au/
Anyway, I had to respond to this stooge ‘letter of the week’ and figured I’d better let you all know, just incase I get wiped out this weekend in a freakilly localised tornado (or some such). The attatched letter is my response to Mr. Murdoch’s veil of shame, and I’m gonna transcribe this whole article for you me finks, just ’cause I’m drunk, bored, and passionate, so you should find that at the start of the next paragraph –

Climate Theory Still Unproven
According to Vicki Stocks (mX, Tues), climate change, as caused by human activity, is accepted by the scientific community. That’s incorrect.
Climate change has occurred continuously during the Earth’s history. This is due to the natural but complex movements in the universe (Earth around the sun, our solar system within our galaxy, our galaxy within the universe) coupled with the natural variations in the radiation output of the sun.
These factors have controlled changes in global climates and atmospheric carbon dioxide levels, with minimal interference from any life on Earth.
There’s still active debate about the role that human activity has in affecting climate change.
In science, an idea that may or may not be correct is called an hypothesis. If it is confirmed by further testing it becomes a theory and, if proven, becomes a law.
At the moment, climate change is an hypothesis.
The global climate is an extremely complicated entity, as indicated by the difficulty in predicting the weather – even a few days in advance.
Another fact is that coal (via trees), oil (via aquatic organisms) and gas (methane via anaerobic degradation of organic material) all originated directly or indirectly from atmospheric carbon dioxide. When they are used as fuels, the carbon dioxide released is just part of the recycling process.
Finally, I recall the Y2K computer bug debacle.
Nobody, as far as I remember, spoke out against the consensus position that at midnight on 31/12/99 there would be chaos as many computer systems crashed. Yet the year 2K entered without a whimper.
So, beware of politicians jumping on bandwagons.
-Terry Balson, Grange.

15/02/2007 mX Magazine

BE WARNED!!! THE HUMAN RACE HAS MOVED PASSED THE STONE AGE, THE BRONZE AGE, AND THE IRON AGE. THIS IS NOT THE COMMUNICATION AGE, FAR FROM IT, THIS IS THE MONEY AGE!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

In response the letter of the day 15/03/2007

I don’t know where Terry Balson got his degree in science, but I would be very keen to find out, as I must tell everyone I know to avoid (like the plague) getting any form of education from his institution of choice. ‘In science, an idea that may or may not be correct is called an hypothesis. If it is confirmed by further testing it becomes a theory and, if proven, becomes a law.’ I don’t know when scientists started making laws, but I’m sure that legal firms all over the country would be keen to rectify this problem as immediately as is humanly possible, and I agree, so long as they don’t burn too many fossil fuels in the process.
‘[Climate change] is due to the natural but complex movements in the universe (earth around the sun, our solar system within our galaxy, our galaxy within the universe) coupled with the natural variations in the radiation output of the sun’.
Firstly, the earth may receive heat and electromagnetic influences from the sun (which I assume are the “variations” that Mr. Balson was alluding to), and it’s true, these factors do influence our climate to some degree, however, our solar system is a ridiculously insignificant little speck in a gargantuan mass of some hundred-billion stars, the closest of which (given our current state of technology) no human could reach in one lifetime – even if there was enough food and entertainment on board to keep him or her going for the duration. And that’s just our Galaxy, which (as Eric Idle once sang) ‘is only one of millions of billions in this amazing and expanding universe’.
As far as the control of carbon-dioxide levels on our tiny planet are concerned, we are living in a closed system. We don’t get carbon dioxide from anywhere else but right here on earth, and the fact is, when carbon is in the form of a fossil fuel, it is perfectly safe. If carbon remained in its liquid or solid form until the sun turned into a red giant and engulfed this planet some 5 billion years from now, that would be just dandy for our little blue-green paradise and its inhabitants. However, it is in its gaseous form that carbon causes problems, and as we human beings insist on the need to move from one place to another at a faster and faster rate, we are burning fossil fuels with hardly a concern beyond those which plague us at this very minute.
If that’s just human nature, then that’s fine. We want things done now, and we will do what we can to see them done now, and if that demands a sacrifice, then what we do is all the more noble for it. But if we are going to make a sacrifice (and to quote Hollywood, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs), can we at least try to understand exactly what the sacrifice we are making is first? And when I say understand, I don’t mean like Mr. Balson of Grange understands things (with an atlas of the universe and a teddy bear that tells him things when he goes to bed at night), I mean really understand, as in put in some effort so as to know what the realities are.
I for one am not prepared to risk what little beauty there is left on this amazing little gem of a planet, because, not only is it where I was born, but it’s where I grew up, it’s where I first fell in love, and it’s where I’m going to die, and I’d rather die knowing that my home is going to be alright when I’m gone, than think that it was all lost so that some pathological bastard could make a few measly dollars.

Madison Moriarty – Upper Brookfield

With smoking laws in Brisbane you can’t smoke within 4 metres of a door or some crap. I’ve seen these little ashtrays popping up around the place, looking a little like a whistle on a steam train. I was a little dismayed when I recently had a smoke break at work, and noticed they had installed one of these next to a bin 20 metres down the road, the bin being 2 metres further. The next closest bin is 20 metres the other way. I kinda figured the logical spot to put the ashtray would be between the two bins, after all, most, if not all, public bins have a built in ashtray. Oh well, I might keep flicking a butt or two onto the road in laziness and spite.

A few weeks later as I nipped out of my local bar to toke a smoke, I noticed another new ashtray installation. Wow. So here we are in a known butt piling zone, in front of two bar entries – not the most unlikey spot to find cigarette butts given you can’t smoke inside bars and alcohol 69s with cigarettes – and they’ve done the same effing thing. I felt like I was smack in between the two closest bins, surely the ashtray should be situated right here, if not for the obvious cigarette collection zone, certainly for the purpose of spreading public amenities evenly.

I came to the conclusion that the people who installed these ashtrays were idiots, or were advised by idiots. So I made the following game in the hope that said idiot(s) will find this game, learn from their mistakes, and get a bit better at what they do. In the meantime, you can practice…

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.filthmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/bccidiots.swf" width="480" height="300"/]

New English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby 
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 
 
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that 
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- 
year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. 
 
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will 
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in 
favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have 
one less letter There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond 
year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will 
make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 
 
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted 
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 
 
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have 
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 
 
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag 
is disgrasful and it should go away. 
 
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as 
replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. 
 
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords 
kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl 
riten styl. 
 
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu 
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 
 
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in 
ze forst plas.

you follow?

If not… you could get excited about: http://www.theflatearthsociety.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1324

(EDIT: second link corrected, cheers sq2)

After having been given the finger by two motorists in two days who were both a) in the wrong and b) entirely anonymous, I think I probably have the right to be a tad tetchy (what with being a bit of a greeny and not really approving of the whole automobile industry thing and all). However, to have this inter-dispersed with genuinely insulting experiences that support the notion that mechanics are all they’re cracked up to be, I’ve had it with the blatant ridiculousness of our callously-cool crazed, bullshit-swamped, and totally-disinterested-with-being-nice-to-one-another façade of a cohesive society.

I am seriously considering giving up caring about anyone (or anything) at all. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I know that this is precisely what they want us to do. Who are they, you may well ask?

They are very difficult to pin down, and may very well not exist at all, but as Maynard James Keegan of Tool sings ‘That doesn’t mean I don’t desire to point the finger, blame the other.’ It’s possible that there are “hidden� ones that call the shots for our society, such as the Masons or Illuminati, and their agenda is to keep us all distracted as cattle, mooing and crowing at one another simply so that we all can be upset at one another rather than upset about the way things are going, and quietly shrug it all off as “just life�, or “just another anonymous arsehole�, while they play “real world� politics and push us around a computer screen like the insignificant little bits of data that we have allowed ourselves to be duped into becoming. (Something deep inside me hopes to God that one of those working for such a society intercepts this letter, comes to my house in the deep of night, and takes me away. It would help on two levels, no more bullshit, and – more significantly – no more bullshit.)

Unfortunately, though, I suspect such rumours are merely conjecture that the not-too-bright psychopaths that run this world are happy to have flying around so that it takes the onus off them if and when things stuff up (and yes, I do mean psychopaths, it is the appropriate term. Not that all of our world leaders are psychopaths, but I am referring to those that indeed fulfil the requirements of the condition known as psychopathy, and thanks to right wing ideology, they seem to be increasingly in the majority). Oh yes, come Armageddon (or its nearest estimate), they can retire to their custom built island and sip their gin happily from dew laden palm fronds, held and supported by several incredibly insular and equally incredibly sexually desirable figures (or whatever it is one does on such islands), satisfied in the knowledge that their influence on the world has been to create more like them – thus making them feel like a true pater-familias – all the while their alter ego’s rid the place of the rabble that are deluded in giving a shit about anyone but themselves by giving them the finger in inappropriate and undesirable circumstances, making them want to be taken away in the middle of the night by illusory secret society members.

So, why am I bothering to tell you all this? I’m hoping in vain that it makes some sense to you, (any one of you) and that you can translate it back to me so that I can make sense of it all and start to feel, if not good, then at least contented about this seemingly ridiculous stupidity, because I think I’m a decent fellow, and I can’t for the slightest instant understand why I’m putting up with this flagrant disregard for, well, umm, being decent to one another any longer!

I suspect nothing of the sort will occur, and you’ll quietly say to yourself, ‘why doesn’t Alex just get himself a girlfriend?’

I’ll hopefully get to cover that in my next rant. Thanks for your time.

ME.

It is greed that has brought on the death of this planet,
And it is money that has given greed it’s wings.

$300 Webpage

I’ve worked with clients from the mining industry to podiatrists, forensic equipment distributors to marketing companies, DJs to construction companies… and I’ve done a few restaurant jobs in my time. Now there be the fun clients. With a pending Public Bar job in the pipeline, I’m glad that there is an in between party to mediate the stress. It’s fun trying to convince someone that a page sub $1000 (that’s AUD) is actually going to be below par, but with these ‘web design’ fools offering joomla hacks, template this thats and “I’ll get you on page one in google” – did they mention the spamming and link directory whores? – blah blahs, it can be quite a challenge to outline where a custom made website can win.

The ratio stays the same after all this time, more than 90% of the web work I do is fixing up some other monkey’s attempt. This fact does help a bit in the communicating of the obvious point that a webpage worth $300 is probably not going to be up to scratch. But no… the issue seems that the hospitality industry, case in point, doesn’t seem to have an eye for what is good. This demographic, amongst others, seems to be happy with poxy website solutions.

Is this not an industry that requires a decent image? Maybe not, since I’ve never looked at my local’s website, and I never will (quickly searching, oh, there we are, some domain pimp’s got a templated thing that is mostly white space and looks like it was last updated before the Qld smoking laws were brought in), since I know the opening hrs, the happy hrs, the 2 for one meal nights and the nights to avoid like Karaoke and Trivia. But it’s not about me, it’s about the people who are looking for you on the internet. If you’re going to put an impression on the net, do just that. Impress! It’s about giving the relevant information to your potential customer base with a wow factor to boot… maybe they’ll bring in a few notes to spend rather than the random change lying around the house. And get the job right the first time, it’ll save you money in the long term. Guaranteed.

Where’s this all going? If your new found web monkey is going to fuck around with frontpage, when you come to me to fix it up, I’m going to fucking rape you… If I choose to work with you second time round at all.

Thought I’d drop this into the filth mix a week before the most obscenely capitalised Hallmark occasion arrives on our doorsteps.

From 1982: Have you ever tried to sell a diamond?

The Corporation

I have held off seeing this one because I was quite sure it was preaching to the converted…

However a nice guilt-free bittorrent download with the blessing of the makers was enough reason for me to take a look:
The Corporation – Legal Bittorrent

Unfortunately, as a cog in various Corporate wheels, the viewing wasn’t so guilt-free. I didn’t think ‘Rotten Tomatoes’ would have total praise for this film. The polemic employed grated with me a bit, so I was surprised to see it with a 90% rating. Kinda agree with one the of the unconvinced critics, who said “Achbar and Abbott would have had a first-rate film had they stuck with their conceit — corporations as inmates running the asylum — but they dilute their case in an attempt to make it irrefutable.”

Damning it is… but persuasive to those who might best benefit from appreciating the perspective put forward by the documentary? I’m not so sure.

so, i’d like to get a beer from the bottle shop, but maybe not one and a half standard drinks, 2 would be great. browsing the prices, it’s pretty evident, that i’d be a daft idiot to buy 2 beers, and pay that ridiculous price for individual bottles. let’s scale up to a six pack, hell i probably have enough space in my fridge. hmm, those 3 tall necks are looking like a bargain, but dunno if i’m want to crack 3 standard drinks a go. looks like i’m having 3, 6 or 9 standard drinks tonight. ok, what am i thinking, this is so much better value if i buy a carton… yeah. the housemate’s not gonna mind a couple of six packs sitting around on the kitchen floor waiting for availability of fridge real estate. but no. these bloody alcohol pushing assholes now have 2 cartons for a discount price. so, exactly how would you like me to carry those? godamn if i’m not buying 48 beers for $1.66 a bottle when i initially was thinking of getting 2 for $4.50 each. i’ll just leave the other carton in the bathroom, no one will notice.

Homer Beer Capwhat’s bloody next, buy a whole effing truck and feel like you’re getting the value you deserve as a customer. the government is trying to educate the masses in drinking less than 3 standard drinks a night (and NEVER more than 6), but we’re being offered bargains that shit on your idea of trying a different brand each time you buy.

anyway, i should probably get one of these hats, get into some homebrew, and piss off to a doof and dance with the hippy hotties, forgetting about discounted alcohol.

http://www.forbes.com/2003/10/08/cz_af_1008health_print.html

The study was designed to compare persons of comparable circumstances, age and health. Its findings, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards.